Do you know I suffer?
by SoniaM2005
Summary: A post VKG Anime 13 and Chapter 46 VK Manga story. A night with just Kaname and Yuki after leaving the Academy together. Kaname is more needy than usual and craves for Yuki and something else. Yuki fights to control her intense emotions for Kaname. KxY


**PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE READING THE STORY!**

**To those who have read my '10 Things About Kaname Kuran', Hello and nice to see you again! Thank you so much for the support of that fic. I'm glad you liked it! I don't know really if I were to continue it. Writer's block? So I decided to write something else. I hope you will like it :( Oh and HAPPY NEW YEAR!**

**To new readers, welcome! HAPPY NEW YEAR TOO!**

**Now about this story. Be warned. It's not really 'M' rated because there is no actual sex content or lemons. But there are a few innuendos. It's quite safe. Er, very intense though. I felt I needed to write a post anime Vampire Knight Guilty episode 13 story. Yes, so this is after VKG's last episode when Kaname and Yuki leaves the Academy. **

**Regarding the manga, I suppose this can be too after chapter 46 (If they do leave the Academy as well). There is a mix of both the manga and anime in here. I'm not very specific about these things. After all, it's only a fanfic right? :) **

**And, I feel, Kaname wasn't really portrayed very well. Alot of girls would prefer Zero to Kaname because Zero would make a better, more intense lover. Kaname is too gentle, too mundane and boring. Ah well, that's where I want to change all that. I think Kaname is more composed about his emotions than Zero. Underneath all his cool and calm personality really is a bigger beast than a vampire itself. So, this is it! You might find them OOC but what goes on behind closed doors we shall never know. I tried my best to keep them as the same. **

**This is my idea of what Kaname and Yuki are like when they are, well, "together" in that sense. Enjoy :) **

**PS - I wrote this in a rush so there might be alot of spelling and language mistakes? Maybe. **

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**Playlist** - I was listening to these while writing. Maybe you'll enjoy the story more when you listen to these? :) Yes, very emo songs, yeah?

**Suna no oshiro** by **Kanon Wakeshima** (Yuki to Kaname)

**Supermassive Black Hole** by **Muse **(Kaname to Yuki)

**Anything for You** by **Evanescence **(Yuki to Kaname)

**With You (Reanimation Remix)** by **Linkin Park** (Kaname to Yuki) _This is a very angsty Kaname song, so uh, yeah. Not very typical Kaname but just so happens it inspired me :)_

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Yuki blinked. _I didn't know what those eyes meant. I knew what it meant to me. But I didn't know what the meaning behind those eyes were telling me tonight. _

But when that hand stretched out towards her, everything else faded._ That cold, beautiful hand. I was lost. No, I became someone that is not me. I didn't know this girl who I was inside of. I couldn't tell. But somehow, every part of this new Yuki and the previous Yuki are beginning to melt into one._

_Why? __Why did my feet move towards him like I knew him so well?_

_Oh_, a voice said in her head said, _but you do. For a long time now you wished for this. Finally he is seeing you as a woman and you're running away now? _

_"You're the one who hasn't made up your mind..."_ Zero's voice echoed in her head.

Zero Kiryuu. Her childhood friend whom she had spent nearly her entire life growing up with him. Times have changed. They have been through ups and downs - hardships. And he was now living his objectives to kill the 's eyes gazed at the figure whose hand was still stretching towards her, beckoning for her hand to rest on the awaiting snow white palm.

_Zero wants to kill all the manipulative purebloods that ruined his life_, she thought quitely_._ Including her, and the one she loves who was sitting there in the shadows, waiting.

"Yuki..." that hypnotic voice whispered.

Although this was her life now, she still wasn't accustomed to it. Inside, she was still very much that human girl she became due to the fate her father, Haruka Kuran and her mother, Juuri Kuran gave her. A vampire, captivating another vampire. But she was no ordinary vampire. She was a pureblood.

Just like her lover, Kaname Kuran. A magnetic existance to her.

"Come," the voice probed again.

Yuki gave in and allowed that hand to interwine with her fingers and pull her closer towards his bed. _Yes_, Yuki thought. _His_ bed, for _her_ bed was on the other side of the room. He had never been forceful. He had said he would like them to be in the same room, most definitely. But he never insisted on being in the same bed. So what they had, was two single beds in the room. It was strange, for visitors had always commented that it wasn't very suitable for to-be-married couples.

_Fiances_.

After putting much consideration of the embaressment and possible humiliation she might receive, she asked him once. She did ask! But shyly, why he never wanted to go to sleep with her together. He said she wasn't ready. When will she ever be? Though she protested, though she fought, though she begged, though she assured him that she wasn't afraid, he would never change his values. He would remain treating her like a glass ornament. One wrong move, one slight indulgence into his own passions and he would break her.

"I want everything of you, but I don't trust myself with you. Not _yet_..." he said before.

She had been waiting to hear that. Again, for a long time now she wanted him too. The thought of knowing that he had been waiting for her in solitude, for ten years since that fateful night of her parents death, and her memories sealed up was surprisingly even more painful to her than she expected. Yet, it gave her a little comfort of knowing that this is a assurance that he really means what he says.

She is the only one he has ever loved. The only one that his arms will ever hold. She was...

Was...?

Yuki's mind clouded when he placed her on his lap. His hand ran through her long strands to tuck it behind her ear so that his darkened wine eyes could burn through hers. _Too much intensity_, she whimpered inside her head. She encircled her arms around him, clinging onto him to pull herself closer so she wouldn't have to look at him in the eye. Her body shivered she felt his breath on her neck. Eventhough she was no longer a human, the Yuki within her still controlled her reactions towards this man.

Maybe he was right. Maybe she wasn't ready.

She wasn't ready to handle the intensity of his love for her. His unfulfiled craving for her love, her mind, her soul and if possible with her approval, her body.

Yuki's face heated up as she thought of that. He proved her conclusion correct when she felt that cold shiver run up her spine when he rested his lips on her forehead gently. He trailed kisses down her eyes, nose, cheeks and finally, her lips. When they met, he was being gentle. He was trying, so very hard. She could tell just by his tightening grip on her wrist and the other arm, encirlced around her waist.

His self-control was undeniable.

"But for how long?" Aidou once warned her. "Don't be too assuring. Eventhough Kaname-sama is unfailingly gentle and understanding towards your needs and feelings, he is after all, still a male. And you, Yuki-sama, are a female. It is our natural instinct, as a male, to want a female. In what way Kaname wants you, I am in no position to say."

Kaname kissed her gently for awhile, not wanting to scare her. It was difficult. Yes, it was. If he was being too careless, he would even hurt her wrists just by digging his nails into it too hard to control himself. The good thing about being a vampire was that you became less delicate. Atleast he could be a little less careful with her. Just a little. His mask of sanity was harder to retain lately, with the fire of his passions just right next to him everyday.

Finally, he asked for permission to enter a little further. _Gentle, gentle...must be...gentle..._Kaname's voice sung in his mind over and over. But it proved too difficult.

Yuki shut her eyes harder. It was too much. Her body was shaking. She clung onto him harder as their tongues fenced. During this lustful peiod, every now and then, when they broke apart for a breath, he would whisper things like "I love you...", "I want you...", her name alone, sometimes and once even saying softly, "I'm sorry...", "Forgive me..." Kaname had never stop asking for her forgiveness since the day they left the Academy together.

How could she not forgive him?

But as he continued to kiss her, he became more vehement by asking, "Do you love me...?", "Do you wish to be with Kiryuu instead of me...?" and the kiss would become more aggressive for that spark of the moment. He would never wait to hear her answer. But it was like he was fighting with that sinful demon inside him and he would tone down again, becoming more controlled once more and would kiss her softly again in apology.

But once, when he gripped her wrist too hard, she winced through their lips. He would freeze. He would become tense and his body will turn rigid. His eyes would darken, but not at her. He hated himself. He hated this untamed, unpolished, wild side of vampires. It sickened him. And Yuki, pure, innnocent Yuki was so blinded by this true monster that he was.

Yuki protested when Kaname remained still. She hated it when he stopped. She pulled him closer again and continued to kiss his stationary mouth until he respond once more. No matter how he showed he wanted her to be happy, even if it means leaving him and being with someone else, that wasn't really what he wanted deep down inside. No, that wasn't what that monterous side of him wanted. He would not let her go.

Never.

But he would even more so, _never_, show Yuki _that_ side of him. Well, he would try his very best not too. It's become increasingly impossible as the days went by. But for now, there was something he was suddenly craving for. Something other than her body. Something other than her heart.

"Yuki...I want...to..." Kaname struggled.

He forced himself away from her lips to move to her neck. His actions would speak louder than words. It was easier to demonstrate rather than to explain in words what he needed from her right now. Soft kisses at first turned quickly into movements to give Yuki's heart a jump when his tongue grazed her skin. It was like he was teasing her, bidding his time by doing deliberate, slow licks against that sensitive layer. His hand gripped behind her head, twisting his finger into her hair while the other held onto her waist firmly.

Then, he returned to give her a less careful kiss on her mouth. It was pleading. He was asking for permission.

"Please, Yuki..." he whispered between their lips, "_Please_..."

Kaname was different this time. He didn't give her a second option of saying no if she wanted to. Kaname realized this. So did Yuki. It was too late. The composed Kaname had surrendered. The darker persona of him had surfaced. _Maybe that's why he decided to apologize early_, Yuki thought silently. Her heart was leaping. Yuki gently broke apart their kiss and allowed him to rest his head against her shoulder, near her neck. She kissed into his hair and then stroked his head, running her fingers through his short strands.

"I know..." Yuki whispered soothingly.

Kaname's eyes immediately glowed in the darkness of their room. He licked her neck once more and she felt his breath blowing on her skin as he opened his mouth to bare his fangs.

"I love you, Kaname-onii-sama..."

When Kaname heard those words, the beast within him was set free.

The feeling of his fangs piercing into her neck was indescribable. There was nothing on earth she could compare to the sheer feeling of joy, happiness and perhaps, ecstasy. The emotions were overflowing. It was one thing to get bitten by a vampire. And it was another thing to get bitten by someone who you had such strong feelings and emotions for. She felt her blood boil and her body heating up. Her heart beats were pounding in her ears as she heard the sound of Kaname drinking from her neck. She gripped his hair tightly as she let out a sigh of satisfaction. But what's this? She could feel herself becoming tired as her eyelids began to feel heavy.

Kaname's hand moved up behind her back, pulling her closer and clapsing her body to his. He didn't know how much he drank from her. He didn't know when he stopped either. The emotion he felt when Yuki's blood flowed into him was as heightening as her feelings with him taking her blood. He finally found himself pulling back, licking his lips and fangs. Yuki fell forwards into his arms, breathing heavily.

_I guess I took it too far..._Kaname thought, disgusted at himself. He reached for a towel that was folded on the night stand beside the bed and began to clean the blood on her neck as she lay in his arms.

"I'm sorry, Yuki. I didn't mean to take too -"

"No...no..." Yuki shook her head gently, rubbing her eyes.

"Lie down, Yuki," as he pushed her gently onto the bed.

"This is your bed..." Yuki stiffled a yawned.

"Never mind that."

But Yuki refused to let go as she still clung to him. She was exhausted but whatever strength she had left, she wanted to let him know that she wanted to be with him. She wasn't afraid of being with him.

"I wanted to be on the same...same..." she trailed off as her eyes closed.

Kaname laid next to her, gazing at that angelic face that was sleeping peacefully. He held her close for for awhile, burrying his face in her chest. He didn't want to move. This was where he wanted to be. Yuki forever, in his arms. Or forever to be in Yuki arms, for that matter. Time seem to stand still in that now silent room, where moments ago was so filled with intense passion between them.

Finally, he let go. He tucked her under the covers and kissed her forehead softly. He sat by the big window of their room, gazing at the dim sunrise at the end of the horizon. Night had ended and the sun was coming up soon. And Kaname had to decide where he was going to sleep since his bed was now, occupied.

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Soon, the sun set behind the clouds and night was about to begin once more. Yuki opened her eyes. She stretched her limbs and sat up slowly, yawning. It took her a moment to realize where she was. This wasn't her bed. This was Kaname's! She scrambled out of bed, ready to ask for apology for falling asleep in his bed. She had did this quite frequently and Kaname ended up camping out on the sofa in the room instead.

But the sofa was empty.

"Where is he?" Yuki thought out aloud.

Then, she heard movement coming from the side and she looked over to see shape under the covers of her bed. Yuki blushed when she saw the figure turned over to face her. Kaname was sleeping in her bed. Maybe now, maybe, just maybe they would be able to accept each other slowly from now on. This was the first time, Kaname had done this. Kaname would always try to refrain himself from indulging into anything of Yuki's.

Yuki tip toed across the room and kneeled beside the bed side.

_Zero had always grounded me. He made me face reality and tried to protect me in his own way...He wanted to sheild me away from the night that I was born into. He was the one who would bring the light into my life when the other alternatives would fail..._Yuki ran her finger along the contours of Kaname's sleeping face.

Then, Yuki's eyes glistened as her heart fluttered. "But there will be no one else but you. No matter how bright the world Mother and Father tried to give me by sealing away my memories, I will always turn to the darkness and look for you in the shadows..."

"I hope you will always be there, waiting for me..." Yuki whispered and she kissed Kaname's cheek.

Suddenly, Kaname stirred. His excruciatingly beautiful eyes slowly opened to reveal that trademark burgundy irises.

"Yuki...?" he yawned, his voice still thick and husky from sleep. He propped himself up onto his elbows slowly as he pushed his hair out of his face.

But he froze at the sight of her shiny eyes. "What's wrong...? What happened?"

Yuki smiled, nuzzling into his hand. "Good morning, Kaname-onii-sama..."

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**End! Yes okay, I admit it is rather cliche in some parts. But I felt I needed to make a KanamexYuki one with lots of fluff and lots of cheesy moments. And also very intense right? Yes, well I DID warn you. :) As the manga goes on, I hope to see more of KanamexYuki and er...enough of ZeroxYuki. Aiks, I like them too but...well, haha. Very pro Kaname fan here. I love Zero too! :) Well, I can try. I mean I DID feel so sad for Zero at the ending of the anime when he was imagining Yuki calling out to him infront of the Moon Dorm. :( So sad. Sigh. But I notice the anime is very pro Zero x Yuki since eventhough Yuki is with Kaname they had to put some ZeroxYuki fluff for some reason...**

**Well, till my next fanfic! :) x **


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